Are your preschoolers still paying you visits at night? Here are some tips that you might find useful.
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(1) Lose the crutch. Come bedtime, many kids this age still have trouble falling asleep without the comfort of a pacifier, a stuffed animal, a special lullaby tape, or you. The problem: If that sleep aid isn't available when your child wakes, she may have trouble dozing off again. The solution: Gradually and gently phase out any sleep aids that your child can't turn to by herself during the night. "When you put your child to sleep, leave her bedroom exactly as it will be in the middle of the night," Mindell says. If you plan to turn the hall light off when you retire, turn it off now. White noise or soft music is fine — provided it plays all night. And whatever bedtime routine you follow, it's imperative that you leave the room before your child falls asleep so she doesn't wake up wondering why you're no longer there. Just remember that this may be a long, hard process. Success won't come overnight, so be patient.
(2) Set physical boundaries. If your child still sleeps in a crib but knows how to shimmy down the rail, you might consider "escape-proofing" her sleeping quarters with a mesh-covered tent. It attaches to the crib's railings and allows parents access through an outside zipper. "We didn't want our daughter to freak out when we put on the crib tent, so we presented it to her as a privilege," says Josh Denberg, a Mill Valley, Calif., father of one. "We called it the 'cuddle tent' and went on and on about how lucky she was to have one." Once your child makes the transition to a big bed, you can still sell staying in her room as a positive experience by placing a "magic" gate in the doorway. Of course, some parents feel comfortable with this hard-line approach, and some don't. Trust your instincts.
(3) Be consistent. Develop a plan, and stick with it. At 3 a.m. it's easy to get worn down by your child's pleas — no matter how dead-set you may be against "co-sleeping." But if she manages to wiggle her way in, even once or twice a week, she's bound to keep trying. So haul yourself out of bed, escort her back to her room, give her a quick kiss, and leave. Be prepared to repeat this routine over and over if necessary — and to load up on coffee the next morning. If your child is sick or has a particularly bad dream, you may decide it's okay to bend the rules. But, says Mindell, if you camp out in her bedroom rather than allowing her into yours, it'll probably be less of a setback.
(4) Address fears. It's perfectly normal for a preschooler to develop a fear of the dark. So indulge her by leaving the hall light on or installing a night-light. If it's poltergeists, extraterrestrials, or other paranormal activities that send her strolling, do a monster search at bedtime. Check under the bed, inside the closet, and anywhere else specters may lurk. A spray-bottle filled with extra-strength monster-deterrent (a.k.a. water) can also provide late-night comfort.
(5) Offer incentives. Rewards can be a great way to encourage a resistant child to comply with the nighttime drill. "Some parents frown on this method because they feel they're bribing their kids," says Mindell. "But learning to stay in your own bed is hard work, and it's okay to reward them for their efforts." Sharone Alston, a mother of one in Baltimore, Md., agrees. "I bought a Winnie-the-Pooh calendar, and each time my 3-year-old son slept in his own bed, he got to choose a sticker to place on it that day," she says. "After he'd slept in his own bed four days in a row, I gave him a piece of candy for a reward. The longer he went, the bigger the rewards. The grand-prize was a trip to Chuck E. Cheese."
(6) Set aside time for snuggles. Lots of kids will stay in their own room as long as they know there's snuggle-time built into their morning routine. Since your child probably can't tell time yet, tell her to come in when the sky is light (assuming that daylight saving time is on your side). If she's a little bit older, tape a piece of paper over the minutes of a clock, and use a marker to draw in the agreed-upon wake-up time. When the two numbers match, your child will know it's okay to leave her room.
(7) Compromise. Consider sharing your bedroom but not your bed. "When our 3-year-old daughter refused to sleep alone, we put her toddler bed in our room and let her sleep there," says Alison Bard, a Kirkland, Wash., mother of two. If you're pressed for space, however, a sleeping bag or nap mat will work too. Better yet, these items are portable and not quite as cozy. After a few nights or weeks on the floor, your child's own soft mattress may seem more appealing to her.
