What to teach your kids about strangers

***Content source: http://www.ncpc.org/topics/violent-crime-and-personal-safety/strangers

Who is a stranger?

A stranger is anyone that your family doesn’t know well. It’s common for children to think that “bad strangers” look scary, like the villains in cartoons. This is not only not true, but it’s dangerous for children to think this way. Pretty strangers can be just as dangerous as the not-so-pretty ones. When you talk to your children about strangers, explain that no one can tell if strangers are nice or not nice just by looking at them and that they should be careful around all strangers.

But don't make it seem like all strangers are bad. If children need help--whether they’re lost, being threatened by a bully, or being followed by a stranger--the safest thing for them to do in many cases is to ask a stranger for help. You can make this easier for them by showing them which strangers are okay to trust.

Who are safe strangers?

Safe strangers are people children can ask for help when they need it. Police officers and firefighters are two examples of very recognizable safe strangers. Teachers, principals, and librarians are adults children can trust too, and they are easy to recognize when they’re at work. But make sure that you emphasize that whenever possible, children should go to a public place to ask for help.

You can help your children recognize safe strangers by pointing them out when you’re out in your town. Also show your children places they can go if they need help, such as local stores and restaurants and the homes of family friends in your neighborhood.

Recognizing and Handling Dangerous Situations

Perhaps the most important way parents can protect their children is to teach them to be wary of potentially dangerous situations – this will help them when dealing with strangers as well as with known adults who may not have good intentions. Help children recognize the warning signs of suspicious behavior, such as when an adult asks them to disobey their parents or do something without permission, asks them to keep a secret, asks children for help, or makes them feel uncomfortable in any way. Also tell your children that an adult should never ask a child for help, and if one does ask for their help, teach them to find a trusted adult right away to tell what happened.

You should also talk to your children about how they should handle dangerous situations. One ways is to teach them “No, Go, Yell, Tell.” If in a dangerous situations, kids should say no, run away, yell as loud as they can, and tell a trusted adult what happened right away. Make sure that your children know that it is okay to say no to an adult in a dangerous situation and to yell to keep themselves safe, even if they are indoors. It’s good to practice this in different situations so that your children will feel confident in knowing know what to do. Here are a few possible scenarios:

• A nice-looking stranger approaches your child in the park and asks for help finding the stranger's lost dog.
• A woman who lives in your neighborhood but that the child has never spoken to invites your child into her house for a snack.
• A stranger asks if your child wants a ride home from school.
• Your child thinks he or she is being followed.
• An adult your child knows says or does something that makes him or her feel bad or uncomfortable.
• While your child is walking home from a friend’s house, a car pulls over and a stranger asks for directions.

What Else Parents Can Do

In addition to teaching children how to recognize and handle dangerous situations and strangers, there are a few more things parents can do to help their children stay safe and avoid dangerous situations.

• Know where your children are at all times. 
• Make it a rule that your children must ask permission or check in with you before going anywhere. 
• Give your children your work and cell phone numbers so they can reach you at all times.
• Point out safe places. Show your children safe places to play, safe roads and paths to take, and safe places to go if there’s trouble.
• Teach children to trust their instincts. Explain that if they ever feel scared or uncomfortable, they should get away as fast as they can and tell an adult. Tell them that sometimes adults they know may make them feel uncomfortable, and they should still get away as fast as possible and tell another adult what happened. Reassure children that you will help them when they need it.
• Teach your children to be assertive. Make sure they know that it’s okay to say no to an adult and to run away from adults in dangerous situations.
• Encourage your children to play with others. There’s safety in numbers!

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Teach your children about stranger danger – by age group

***Content source: http://www.teachkidshow.com/teach-your-child-stranger-danger/

Preschool

Preschool children normally have no fear, they are willing to say hello or talk to almost any adult they see. Although you don’t want to scare your younger children with the truth of abductions, you do want them to know how important it is that they stay safe. Start with a simple explanation, “there are really bad people who want to hurt children, therefore it’s very, very important that you never…”

• Talk to strangers
• Open the door when someone is knocking or ringing the bell
• Leave mom’s side at the store or when we are somewhere outdoors.
• Go outside without me or a trusted adult.
• Go with a stranger who can’t find his dog, wants to give you candy, wants to show you something, wants to give you money, etc.
• Approach a strange car, even if they know mom’s name or your name.

Keep the information simple, yet straightforward. If your children ask you questions be honest, of course age appropriate honesty. Go over simple tactics with your child should they be approached or feel unsafe in a certain situation, such as screaming or trying to get away from a stranger or other types of danger.

Main points to address:

• Keep it simple, but straightforward.
• Go over the main points (as emphasized above.)
• Be honest with your children if they ask you questions.
• Go over screaming and tactics to fight and get away from a stranger.

Grades K-3rd

Older children probably know a little more about stranger danger through schools or other activities in the community or on the news. Yet, it is suggested to be sure your child in this age group be made well aware of the top things to never do…

• Talk to strangers.
• Open the door when someone is knocking or ringing the bell.
• Leave mom’s side at the store or when we are somewhere outdoors.
• Go outside without an adult.
• Go with a stranger who can’t find his dog, wants to give you candy, wants to show you something, wants to give you money, etc.
• Approach a strange car, even if they know mom’s name or your name.

Many parents have successfully used a family code word, this word is one only the family knows. In case of an emergency the adult can give that to a trusted friend or family member the child doesn’t know to indicate a safe person. It is imperative children understand to never give that word out to anyone.

In this age group you can also go over those who are safe people. If children get lost or there is a problem with a strange adult, children should feel safe approaching individuals who are:

• Safety officers such as police, fire, security guards, and EMT.
• Store personal
• Teachers
• Mail carriers
• Mothers with children
• Office staff, those working behind the desk of an office building.

This will give your children the option of running to others who are not intending to harm them, if an incident occurs when the child is alone, gets lost or is separated from their parent.

Main points to address:

• Talk to children about “Safe people". 
• Use a code word.
• Go over screaming and tactics to fight and get away from a stranger.
• Make sure they know to always stay with a group or other children if they have to walk home from school or want to play outside.

Grades 4th-6th

Children in this age group will sometimes consider dangers, to really not be so dangerous. In this age group children should truly understand the dangers of strangers. Talk about cases that you know about from family, friends or through the media. You don’t have to tell them every detail of the case, but be honest with your child as well. Tell them if the child got away or lost their lives, we know we don’t want our children to live in fear, but to let them know how very important this message is let them know there is real danger with some strangers.

Children who are getting older should also keep important numbers of family or friends handy, a whistle or cell phone, especially if they have to walk home from school or have to be home alone after school. It is also important for children to have some type of buddy system. They should always walk with a friend or group of friends, isolated children are more of a target than those who are in groups or with other friends.

You should also go over tactics for screaming and fighting to get away from a stranger who tries to grab them. Let them know they are to be sure they do not, in any way, allow that person to get them into a car, that will only allow them to take them somewhere where it will be very hard to find them. Tell them to kick, bite, scream, anything and everything to get away from that person.

Main points to address:

• Emphasize with your children the danger of strangers.
• Have them keep important numbers, a whistle or a cell phone on them at all times.
• Go over “Safe people"
• Go over screaming and tactics and ways to fight and get away from a stranger.
• Make sure they know to always stay with a group or other children if they have to walk home from school or want to play outside.

Top 7 mommy guilt trips – and how to handle them

***Content source: http://www.babycenter.com/0_top-7-mommy-guilt-trips-8211-and-how-to-handle-them_3654967.bc?page=1

1. Feeding your baby formula

You pull out a bottle to feed your crying baby and notice raised eyebrows all around. It turns out that the other moms you're with all breastfeed exclusively.

Soothe it! You may feel like you're the only formula-feeding mom in the universe, but this is far from the truth. Whether it's due to supply issues, latch-on problems, going back to work, or something else entirely, many mothers find themselves relying on formula to supplement or replace breastfeeding.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 42 percent of U.S. moms are breastfeeding at 6 months and 22 percent at a year. And in a BabyCenter poll, 67 percent of moms said their babies had formula in the first six months. In other words, there's a lot of the stuff floating around.

And still, we feel bad: In that same poll, 79 percent of moms who'd stopped nursing said they felt guilty about it. "After a few weeks of crying more than my infant, I finally switched to formula. But now I'm consumed with guilt," says one mom. "Everywhere I look, even on formula packages, breastfeeding is touted as best."

If you're grieving the loss of nursing, allow yourself your sadness. But then accept that you did your best, and move on. Breast milk is best for your baby, but formula-fed babies are also thriving, nourished, and nurtured. As one BabyCenter mom says, "The best thing you can do for your baby is to be a happy mom — and if that means no breastfeeding, then that's the best choice for your family."

2. Using TV as a babysitter

Time to cook dinner, so you plop the kids down in front of the tube so they won't be underfoot. They're happy, but you feel a pang of guilt as you see their jaws go slack and their eyes get that faraway look.

Soothe it! In 2003, the American Academy of Pediatrics announced that children under 2 shouldn't watch any television. No more popping in a DVD while you grab a shower, no more cuddling on the couch and watching kids' programs.

This recommendation became instant fodder for mommy guilt. "I started letting my son watch educational programs when he was 1 and he still watches DVDs. But after reading about not allowing any TV for kids under 2, I'm panicking!" says one BabyCenter mom.

But if you break this rule, you're not alone: A poll of BabyCenter moms reveals that only 10 percent of moms with toddlers forbid TV completely. Sixty-seven percent think it's okay to let babies watch some TV, and 69 percent let their child watch the TV shows and DVDs they're watching. But the shame is still in play: 26 percent of moms lie about how much TV their children watch!

Is television really so evil? No, say Renner and Pflock: "Using television entertainment as a form of quiet time is perfectly appropriate." The key is moderation. If your child is under 2, keep viewing time to a minimum, and break it into 15-minute chunks. Watch with your child, and pick programs that are appropriate. If your child is older, see our TV guidelines for preschoolers and big kids. Then relax and send your guilt on its way.

3. Being environmentally unfriendly

As you throw out a trash bag bursting with disposable diapers and Styrofoam cups, you spot your neighbor hanging cloth diapers on her clothesline. Her new hybrid is parked on the street, not far from your gas-guzzler.

Soothe it! It can seem like Kermit the Frog was singing directly to us parents when he warbled: "It's not that easy bein' green." Conveniences like disposable diapers and wipes, bottles of water, and paper towels can feel essential when we're stretching to keep our family's life humming along smoothly. And having kids usually leads to consuming more resources like water, electricity, and gasoline.

But raising children can also make us more conscious of our impact on the earth — 47 percent of parents in a BabyCenter poll are more concerned about the environment since having kids. And 55 percent are "extremely" or "very" concerned about environmental issues. After all, we want the world to be in the best shape possible for our kids.

This push and pull can lead to a nasty case of green guilt. Let this be a wake-up call — but know that letting guilt devour you won't do you or the earth any good. You may not be able to take public transportation to work, switch to cloth diapers, hang your laundry on the line, or toss out all your environmentally unfriendly cleaners right now.

Instead, focus on the dozens of achievable changes you can make. Try unplugging appliances when they're not in use, doing your laundry in cold water when possible, lighting your home with fluorescent bulbs, and other easy, earth-friendly tricks. Don't worry too much about the Greens next door — maybe someday soon you'll be giving them tips.

4. Feeding your kids junk food

At the end of a long, stressful day, the drive-through calls. But as you hand the crinkly bags back to your now-ecstatic children, you think about your own mother, who never did this.

Soothe it! Sure, there are kids out there who don't know a French fry from a French twist. Maybe you even used to be one of them. If your own kids can sniff out a fry from a mile away, though, rest assured that you're not alone — 76 percent of BabyCenter parents say they rely on fast food a few times a month or more.

Sometimes we forget that fast food — while not usually the best nutritional option — isn't poisonous. As with television, the key is moderation and smart choices.

Eating fast food as often as twice a week is fine as long as you choose relatively low-fat options, says Mary Savoye-Desanti, a bionutritionist at Yale University and director of the Bright Bodies Program.

That could mean ordering a regular single-patty hamburger instead of a double-patty burger loaded with sauce and cheese, a sandwich with chicken that's grilled rather than fried, a pizza with extra vegetables and less cheese instead of pepperoni, or a baked potato or side salad in place of fries. Get more tips and nutritional information from major fast-food chains.

If your family is turning to fast food more often than meals prepared at home, however, make some changes. You can serve healthy foods without spending hours in the kitchen — try prepared foods from the grocery store like roasted chicken, sliced roast beef, and bagged salads.

When you do take your kids to the drive-through, let them know that fast food is a "once in a while" thing. Then shoo your guilt out the car window.

5. Leaving your child with another caregiver

It's the first day of daycare and your baby seems fine — but you're a wreck. Tears drip down your face as you stop for one last kiss, and you drive to work fighting the urge to turn around.

Soothe it! Working moms often struggle with intense guilt — especially when they first go back. "Since I was returning to a job I loved, I thought I'd feel happy and worthwhile. I didn't expect those feelings to be so tempered by guilt," says mom Johanna Villanueva.

Working moms can also feel guilty for wanting to work. Tela Durbin of Working Moms Against Guilt was tearful and upset when she left her son at daycare — but she also felt relieved to have some time away from his colic. "I had two kinds of guilt — guilt for leaving him and guilt for wanting the break," she says.

If you're in this position, know that studies have shown time and time again that good childcare can promote cognitive, language, and social skills. Relieve your guilt by choosing the best daycare center, home daycare, babysitter, or nanny that you can.

To ease the transition, become familiar with your care provider before you go back to work, says Durbin. "Do practice runs. Maybe even leave your child there for a few hours while you run an errand."

Stay away from the online "mommy wars" between working and at-home moms, and tune out any judgmental comments you may receive. This vulnerable period is no time to jump into the fray. There are many supportive online forums for working mothers — turn to one of these instead.

And finally, remember that your work serves a crucial purpose. As Durbin says, "You know you're doing what's best for your family, whether you're working for financial reasons or because it makes you happy."

6. Yelling at your kids

Your toddler starts shrieking moments after your baby finally goes down for her nap. "Don't wake the baby!" you snap, much louder than you meant to. Your toddler looks at you with wide, frightened eyes.

Soothe it! No one feels good about yelling at their kids. In fact, Pflock and Renner's survey of mothers found that yelling is the number one cause of mommy guilt.

When this happens, take a careful look at your own behavior. Was the yelling out of the ordinary? Are you usually calm with your child? If yes, then let yourself off the hook and take this as a learning opportunity for both of you. As Elizabeth Pantley says in The No-Cry Discipline Solution, "Even the most peaceful easy-going parent loses patience and yells from time to time."

Reassure your child that everything is okay, and explain what happened: "Sometimes people yell when they're upset. But that can hurt people's feelings. I'm sorry. It would have been better if I had said 'Please be quiet. The baby is sleeping.'"

But if screaming is becoming a habit, you may need to take action to manage your anger and reduce your stress levels. Join a support group, see a counselor, read relevant books and articles, or get help from moms in our Community. You can also check out tips on avoiding yelling from BabyCenter moms.

"I ended up talking to a therapist, and he showed me that it was all about stress," says one BabyCenter mom of her yelling habit. "I committed to finding ways of reducing stress — I gave up some work, exercised more, got a little more relaxed about the housework. It was very hard, because I'm a control freak, but it paid off."

7. Not being able to afford all the extras

Your mommy friends have all signed up for a popular — and expensive — kids' music class. You'd love to join, but you can't afford it. You gloomily envision their children playing in the symphony, while your own child mops up their sweat.

Soothe it! It's easy to feel bad when you can't afford an activity for your child, or when you're the only mom in the playground with a plain stroller rather than a deluxe model loaded with bells and whistles.

But many of the things that we think of as "necessary" aren't. What kids really need is love — not the next expensive activity or "It toy." In fact, too much stuff can be a problem. "If you're constantly overindulging your children, they'll never learn the value of money," explains psychotherapist Kate Levinson, who leads workshops for women to explore their emotional relationship to money. "You also want to teach them how to enjoy life and solve problems in ways that don't have to do with buying things or using money."

Instead of focusing on what you can't give your child, focus on what he can have. For example, instead of the high-end music class, try a free class or library story time. If he loves to "cook" but you can't afford a play kitchen, help him make one out of a cardboard box. You'll probably feel your guilt drain away as you watch him happily banging on his new stove.

20 cures for cabin fever

***Content source: http://blogs.babycenter.com/life_and_home/got-cabin-fever-20-cures/

1. Throw a winter wonderland party.

2. Make an igloo out of sofa cushions.

3. Bake something.

4. Cut out elaborate paper snowflakes and hang them around the house.

5. Fashion an ice castle out of small and large marshmallows.

6. Have a polar bear tea party.

7. Make something out of cardboard boxes (a car, a town, a fort).

8. Go indoor bowling using empty plastic bottles as pins.

9. Have a picnic under the kitchen table. Hang a large tablecloth or blanket over the top and enjoy the change of scenery.

10. Start a chain story. Have kids sit in a circle and start telling them a story. After two or three sentences, hand the story baton to the person on your right, and so on. This works well with kids 3 1/2 and up.

11. Initiate a Face Time or webcam chat with a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or cousins.

12. Play a card game.

13. Play twister.

14. Make a superhero costume by raiding your recycling bin. Cut a helmet shape using a gallon milk jug. Use sticky tape to tie two or three plastic bottles (upside down) together for the jet pack. Paint and decorate as desired.

15. Make a “crazy workout” circuit. Set up specific stations around the house, making descriptive posters for each one. The sillier the exercise the more fun everyone will have.

16. Put on a talent show. Give the kids access to dress up clothes, musical instruments, and art supplies and let them wow you.

17. Make a movie. Give your kids a flip cam or even the camera on your phone and let them play director. If you want, help them edit it and then screen it for the whole family.

18. Download and play an audio book for your kids. If you can, play it for them inside a fort of some kind.

19. Build something fantastic out of blocks. My 2 year old loves to smash his buildings, so when we do this, we put my older son in a different room so his work isn’t ruined by our bull in a china shop.

20. Play a game of nerf tennis or basketball in the living room. Move all the furniture to the side. Use trashcans as baskets and play on your knees.