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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Mark Your April Calendars!


Spring ETC Sale!
Saturday, April 6th, 7:30 am - 12:30 pm
St. Francis of Assisi Church, 860 Oak Grove Rd., Concord
Admission: $1 per adult

NCA Convention!
Friday, April 26th - Sunday, April 28th
Hilton Hotel in Concord
Our theme is "Mission Twinpossible!" Join us for fun, pampering, and spy games you won't want to miss!  Raffle prizes include tickets to Disneyland, spa packages, restaurant gift certificates, and hundreds more! For additional information, please contact Heidi Johnson (c-hjohnson@sbcglobal.net) or Karis Coleman-Sink (karis.coleman@yahoo.com).

March of Dimes' annual March for Babies!
Saturday, April 27th 
Alameda County Fairgrounds
Please visit out team webpage to learn more and to join the cause!

Member Profile: Get to know Rebecca Alvarez!


How long have you been a member of CCPOM? 
I have been a member since 2007.

What has been your best experience so far? 
Ahh, so many!  All the fun events for the kids, and the amazing friends I have made.

How do you spend your days? 
I wake up, feed and dress 3 kids and one baby, send the oldest three off to preschool/TK, run errands, try to exercise, shower, grocery shop (I feel like I am always buying food!), pick up kids, let them play at the park while I talk to Tami (Zachary).  Then we usually go to a park and meet friends, clean up, cook dinner, eat dinner with the family (hubby is home now), get the kids ready for bed, bath, brush teeth, read stories, put them to bed, finish chores, do some stuff for my jewelry business, watch some TV, relax, then go to bed.

What do you like best about living in the East Bay?  
I love the weather, beautiful parks, lots of things to do, my family local, and lots of progressive people.

What's your favorite East Bay hidden gem? 
Right now, Rankin Park in Martinez.  Also, Clayton Community Park, the Oakland Zoo, or Tilden.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure? 
Jewelry.  My husband doesn’t know it, but I sell Premier mostly because I can get the new jewelry I want and say I need it for my business!

Do you have any hidden talents? 
I think I’m pretty talented when I have a home cooked, healthy meal on the table for the 6 of us, and everyone eats it!

What’s one thing on your bucket list? 
I want to go to Machu Picchu in Peru. It's where the masculine energies meet the feminine energies and it is supposed to be amazing.  I plan to take the family in 5-8 years.

What's the last book you read? 
I read The Corrections.

Who inspires you? 
I am inspired by a lot of moms I know.  Some run marathons, some work full time jobs and still take great care of their kids, some have twins and still manage to give back so much time to this club and to others.  Some are stay at home moms who make home cooked meals and manage to not let the kids watch too much TV.  And finally my mom, who had eight kids and would do anything for us. 

What was your favorite job? 
My favorite job is being a full time mom!  But a paid job… I would say teaching for seven years at Pittsburg High and being a reading consultant.

Tell us about your family.
My husband is Joe, and together we have four children.  Aurora Rachel and Sebastian Gabriel are our twins born on October 16, 2007.  Then a year later, Celeste Marie entered our world on November 1, 2008.  Our final angel, Luke Elias Gilbert, was born just five months ago on November 15, 2012.

Do you have an inspiring birth story? 
Well, I don’t know if it is inspiring or just crazy, but I had the last two au natural with no drugs.  Celeste came on Halloween night, so my sisters and brother came to see us after partying for Halloween, still in full costume.  We had Elvis, the Morton Salt girl, and a peacock waiting for Celeste's birth.

What advice can you give to new moms of twins? 
Now that I have had the pleasure of having just one baby, I would say, just take time to try and cherish the sweet beings that they are.  I think when I had my twins,  and then Celeste so quick, I was a little bit in survival mode.  I know I loved them so much and felt blessed to have them, but I didn’t really get to sit back and marvel at them.  Try to find that time with each one and relish the sweetness that they are, because it does go so fast!  Also, get out of the house!  Make play dates at the park and go see your friends.  I would not have made it if I wasn’t out enjoying fresh air and letting them explore, while I got to chat with my friends.  Don’t be afraid to take them out.  Get a double stroller (or triple- like I had) and get moving, it will do you all good!

What's one thing that makes life easier?
A BOB stroller!

The Alvarez family celebrating Easter!


10 Habits to Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Child



We all crave those close moments with our children that make our hearts melt. That's what makes parenting worth it. Connection is as essential to us as parents as it is to our children. When our relationship is strong, it's also sweet -- so we receive as much as we give.  That connection is also the only reason children willingly follow our rules. Kids who feel strongly connected to their parents WANT to cooperate. They trust us to know what's best for them, to be on their side. I hear regularly from parents that everything changes once they focus on connecting, not just correcting.
But we're only human.  There are days when all we can do is meet our children's most basic needs:  Feed them, bathe them, keep an encouraging tone, hug them, and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour so we can do it all over again tomorrow. Given that parenting is the toughest job on earth -- and we often do it in our spare time, after we work at another job all day -- the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. What kinds of habits?

1. 12 hugs a day. Hug your child first thing in the morning, when you say goodbye, when you're re-united, at bedtime, and often in between.  If your tween or teen rebuffs your advances when she first walks in the door, realize that with older kids you have to ease into the connection.  Get her settled with a cool drink, and chat as you give a foot rub. (Seem like going above and beyond?  It's a foolproof way to hear what happened in her life today, which should be high on your priority list.)
2. Connect before transitions. Kids have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another.  If you look her in the eye, use her name, and play a bit to get her giggling, you'll fill her cup and make sure she has the inner resources to manage herself through a transition.  Mornings go much easier when you start with a five minute snuggle upon awakening to help your child transition from sleep into the executive functions of dressing and teeth brushing.
3. Play.  Laughter and rough-housing keep you connected with your child by stimulating endorphins and oxytocin in both of you.  Making playfulness a daily habit also gives your child a chance to work through the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make him feel disconnected -- and more likely to act out. And play helps kids want to cooperate.  Which is likely to work better,  "Little Gorilla, it's time for breakfast, come eat your  bugs and bananas!" and "Don't you think your steam shovel wants to get in the car now so he can see the construction site on the way to the store?" or "Eat your breakfast now!" and "Get in the car!"
4. Turn off technology when you interact with your child.  Really. Your child will remember for the rest of his life that he was important enough to his parents that they turned off phones and music to listen to him.  This is particularly important in the car, because the lack of eye contact in a car takes the pressure off, so kids (and adults) are more likely to open up and share.

5. Special time. Every day, 15 minutes with each child, separately.  Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want.  On her days, just pour your love into her and let her direct.  On your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities.  Instead, play  therapeutic "games" to help your child with whatever issues are "up" for her. 
6. Welcome emotion. Sure, it's inconvenient.  But your child needs to express his emotions or they'll drive his behavior.  So accept the meltdowns, don't let the anger trigger you, and welcome the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you're the one he trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it.  Afterwards, he'll feel more relaxed, cooperative, and closer to you.

7. Listen, and Empathize. Connection starts with listening.  Bite your tongue if you need to, except to say "Wow!....I see....Really?...How was that for you?"  The habit of seeing things from your child's perspective will ensure that you treat her with respect and look for win/win solutions.  It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. And it will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in "fight or flight," your child doesn't look so much like the enemy. 
8. Slow down and savor the moment. Share the moment with your child: let him smell the strawberries before you put them in the smoothie.  Put your hands in the running water together and share the cool rush of the water. Smell his hair. Listen to his laughter. Look him in the eyes. Connect in the magnificence of the present moment. Which is really the only way we can connect.
9. Bedtime snuggle and chat. Set your child's bedtime a wee bit earlier with the assumption that you'll spend some time visiting and snuggling in the dark. Those companionable, safe moments of connection invite whatever your child is currently grappling with to the surface, whether it's something that happened at school, the way you snapped at her this morning, or her worries about tomorrow's field trip. Do you have to resolve her problem right then? No. Just listen. Acknowledge feelings. Reassure your child that you hear her concern, and that together you'll solve it, tomorrow. The next day, be sure to follow up. You'll be amazed how your relationship with your child deepens. And don't give this habit up as your child gets older. Late at night is often the only time teens will open up.
10. Show up.  Most of us go through life half-present. But your child has only about 900 weeks of childhood with you before he leaves your home.  He'll be gone before you know it.  Try this as a practice:  When you're engaged with your child, just be right here, right now.  You won't be able to do it all the time.  But if you do it every day for a bit, you'll find yourself doing it more and more. Because you'll find it creates those moments with your child that make your heart melt.