For those who weren’t able to attend but interested in the workshop material she provided for us, here is a short version of her workshop handout. We have her agreement to publish her material for our club memebers' use only, if you do intend to share this material with others, please remember to site the source. thanks.
Excerpt from Jill Shugart(MFT) workshop for CCPOM members, on September 22, 2011.
(for more info on Jill, please go to her website @ www.jillshugart.net)
6 Daily living rituals to nurture your marriage in small but meaningful ways:
((1) Parting - Say goodbye each morning and find out about one thing that your partner is doing that day, showing your interest and support.
((2) Reunion – At the end of each day, greet each other with a hug or kiss. Create the time for a short conversation about the highs and lows of your day, before immersing yourself in other tasks. This can be done over the heads of your children, while they are watching TV, or after they are in bed.
((3) Appreciations – In a happy, satisfying marriage, people feel appreciated for what they do! You can appreciate your partner in 3 different ways….through your touch, your words or your actions. Find out which way your partner prefers to be appreciated and do that.
((4) A weekly date – Find a time during the week that’s just for the 2 of you. This can take place outside the home with a sitter, but can also be at home, after the kids are in bed. Even a half hour will add to your feeling of connection.
((5) Respond positively to your partner’s sharing of any joyful or positive experience – Even better, ask questions about it. Be his or her cheerleader. This includes cute stories about the children, or reminiscing about happy occasions.
((6) Make one minute apologies – when there are small hurts or disconnections, be quick to respond with “I’m sorry”, or ”I didn’t mean that”, or “Can we have a do-over?” A simple apology can keep you on track and is a way to avoid building up resentment.
When parents disagree – guidelines to become a better team in parenting:
((1) Even if you emphatically disagree with the way your partner is handling a situation or responding to your child, agree to back her up by not interfering or criticizing in front of the child.
((2) Develop a cue word or signal to ask for help from your partner when you’re struggling.
((3) Get in the habit of conferring with each other on how to respond to your children’s requests or handle their offences and consequences.
((4) Change your mindset from trying to figure out how to agree with each other all the time. To how to back each other up and do so willingly.
((5) Develop 3-4 family rules which you both will consistently apply using the same method and consequences.
((6) For all other misbehaviors, leave these to the discretion of the parent in charge.
((7) Offer support to your partner.
((8) Learn some positive discipline methods that work.
Ms. Shugart did a great job and I think we learned a lot from her. I'm curious if anybody has tried to implment her strategies yet. We've tried the greeting and partings, and I like it. Its surprising how hard it is to remember though when it isn't a habit yet!
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