“ But What Should I Do?” The New Father of Twins Asks

By CCPOM member Micheline Kirsebom

First time fathers of twins sometimes feel a bit helpless.  Obviously there is a lot to do, but so much of it seems to require breasts!  Well, perhaps I can help outline the priceless position you pay at this time.  You’re actually quite important!

For the mother of twins, priorities have changed.  She neglects her own needs in favor of those of her children.  The new mother will wait to eat until both babies have been fed, changed, and put to sleep.  Her sleep is no longer a given, but rather something she does when no one else needs her.  This pattern is innate.  Putting her children’s needs ahead of her own is instinctive for Mom.

Dad, however, has a little to learn.  He grabs the paper on his way to the bathroom not sure who’s been fed or burped – “Hey, when you’ve got to go…”

Okay, Big Guy, now that your partner is no longer taking care of herself, let’s make that your new job.  She is top on your list of priorities.  Make sure all of her needs are met so that she can concentrate on the babies.  You need to do all the things she used to do.  The following is your new job description. 

 

Before leaving for work in the morning

• Check to see if there are supplies of diapers and wipes
• Check for other necessities such as milk, bread, and toilet paper
• Check to see if the diaper bin should be emptied
• Check to see if the garbage needs emptying on your way out

Extra bonus points for:

• Making a quick piece of toast or cereal for your wife if she’s up
• Changing a diaper or two before leaving
• Doing a quick clean up

While at work:

• Pay the bills – arrange automatic payments
• Call to check on your family at least 3 times a day
• Make any outside calls that you need to make
• Arrange weekly grocery delivery
• Arrange help for Mom during the time you are away
• Do a GREAT job at work so you won’t have to worry about finances!

Before coming home:

• Eat BEFORE coming home and remember to bring something for her
• Have some caffeine to wake you up
• Use the toilet before coming home
• Buy any necessary household items
• Put a smile on your face and some love in your eyes
• Be ready to HELP!

Things you should know:

• Where the diapers are & how many are left
• How old the babies are
• How much they weigh
• What time they eat
• What time they sleep
•  Which medicines they are taking
• What things they are allergic to
• The phone number to the pediatrician (by heart)
• How to work the stroller, crib, baby carrier, and any other equipment
• What size diapers the babies use
• That babies should sleep on their backs

Other things you should know:

• Making love isn’t going to mean what it used to for a while
• Bringing home dinner, rubbing her feet, and holding her when she cries are all new definitions of “making love"
• Dinner might NOT be cooked, served, or cleaned up when you get home
• Your wife is tired and frustrated and a little overwhelmed
• Anything you say could be construed as criticism

Things you can say:

• “Things at the office are great” (even if they’re not)
• “You’re doing such a great job”
• “Aren’t they beautiful, Sweetie.”
• “Where should I start?” (helping)
• “I knew you were going to be a fabulous mother.”
• “I love our little family”
• “I don’t think I could do what you’re doing.” 

Other ways you can help:

• Be your wife’s number one advocate (speak only positively about her both in front of her and when she’s not around.)
• Speak extra fondly of her to her parents and yours
• Stand up for her when others are giving their opinions about breast-feeding, caring for, dressing, tending to the babies.
• Be her memory for her (remind her of appointments, up-coming events, and even to use the bathroom now and then – she’s forgetful right now!)
• Keep her abreast of current events outside the home
• Acknowledge her hard efforts and compliment her

You see, it’s quite a big job!  Your new family needs you in a number of ways, but you can handle it.  You’ll be a great dad to your twins.  You’ll be closer to them than you ever imagined and your relationship will be more meaningful because you’ve played such an important roll.  I know you can do it, your wife is counting on you…

…and so are those babies.

Congratulations and good luck!